Take The High Road

Today, we're talking about the high road. Before my brother died back in 2010, a promise that I made to him is that I would always take the high road no matter how hard things got. I was going through a major transition in my life at that time.

He knew and was able to witness some of the painful experiences that I was going through. Before he died, he said, “always take the high road sis, always take the high road.” I told him I would, now that has not always been easy. If I'm being completely honest, sometimes that has been nearly impossible. But his words ring in my brain all the time. Take the high road, take the high road.

What do you do when someone is rude to you? What you want to do is stand up and fight and defend yourself and throw back the nasty words that they've been throwing at you. What do you do when something like that happens to you?

I recently went for a short trip to Myrtle Beach with my husband. We were on the beach for three days. It was a fabulous getaway. Each morning I would get up and I would walk the dog and then we would spend some time on the beach we would walk her again at night. So we are walking three to five miles every day and then swimming in the pool swimming on the beach. We were very active the whole time. We did have times where we would sit on the beach and enjoy the sun and the sand and the sound of the surf you know when you're sitting on the beach, and the waves are crashing, and it is just so incredibly peaceful and calming. Well, one day, our last day actually I was sitting on the beach, and I was journaling and reading and this this gentleman (I'll use the term loosely) came jogging by and he kind of slowed down as he was passing us and he said come on, get up, get moving. You want to get moving.

Before I could say anything he said you're not going to change your body any by just sitting there, you know, and he continued to jog on. I was dumbfounded. I could not believe that someone would be that right rude. That mean, that insensitive. My husband tried to say I don't think he meant it that way. I think he was just kind of being funny. No, he was being rude. He was being rude. He knows nothing about me. He has nothing. He knows nothing about what I do with my life, he has no idea the physical challenges that I have been through in the last few years with cancer and broken bones and, and holding loved ones as they die. Having major body parts removed from my body for cancer, he had no idea of any of that. He just made a judgment that my body and his opinion needed work. It wasn't going to change if I just sat in that chair. I wanted to follow up, I wanted to get up and tell him my whole life story. I wanted to give him a lesson and tell them to not be so rude and not not make judgments when you know nothing about what another person is going through and, and heads up every heads up, guys.

That's everyone. When you pass somebody on the street, you don't know what they're going through. You have no idea what their life has been. So before you make a judgment call, take a step back and think, do we have a right to judge anybody else? Mother Teresa said, “If we were too busy judging people, then we had no time to love them.” And loving people, valuing people is the basis of a strong, amazing life value people. So he did a few things in that moment when I was sitting there, honestly, completely stunned. Now here's the thing. The guy eventually turned around and came back and said the same exact thing to me.

I think that the reason it hit me so hard, is because I've had things in the past few weeks leading up to that vacation, people who said to me, “Well, you know, women at your age, we just have to start to move every day.” And I thought “you don't know me.” You didn't even ask me if I move every day, which I do. Long walks, ballet, bar movements, and Pilates movements, lifting weights swimming at the pole, at the gym. He didn't ask, he just assumed I was not. I've had people come up to me and say you know, I really care about you, “So I have this I have this program that will really help you drop those extra pounds.” No one asked me if that was my goal. My goal over the last few years has been to regain my health, not a body size, but to regain my strength, my stamina.

That has been a major goal in my life. It has been a hard comeback. It is shifting, I am getting stronger but it has taken time and effort and tears it's taken a long time to get this back this time made your body parts that have been removed from me recovering from cancer while I buried my mother and then another fever and and another breaking shoulder in the midst of all that another major cancer surgery. There has been so much and coming back from that has not been easy. But nobody who has said these things to me has taken the time to ask me any questions. They just say things.

So this gentleman that was was jogging on the beach and throwing these -what felt like to me- rude accusations. It was a difficult moment. I felt like what I needed to do was grab my my sand cloud towel, which is huge and throw it over myself even though it was hot, and just cover up and then I thought I'm not going to do that. I am not going to do that. If it offends you to see me on the beach. Don't look at me. I started to pause and regroup which is the number one tip I would give you. When someone is rude to you pause and regroup. take several seconds take longer. Breathe, feel your feelings and consider your response. If you respond out of impulse, you're not thinking or acting with reason usually. But when you pause you give yourself an opportunity to be more objective and to see things for what they are. Then we can be intentional with our words and have productive conversations or maybe choose to not have the conversation, pause to regroup.

Feel your feelings. I allowed myself to feel my feelings.

I allowed myself to think through why that affected me so negatively. I considered my response. I detached from the comment that's number two pause to regroup.

Number two, detach. Think about it. Think about the comment. Was it intentionally disrespectful? Was it something someone said because they thought they were encouraging you. As my husband pointed out to me, this person probably meant it as an encouragement cut. I'm gonna move let's get going. Let's jog with me. He didn't think through how that might come across to someone. So I detached myself from the comment I pause to regroup, I detached from the comment. I advocated for myself to myself, I validated myself.

Then, I chose to not waste my breath. Four steps, I paused to regroup, I detach from the comment, I advocated for myself to myself, and I decided to not waste my breath.

I know what my boundaries are. Sometimes I will say out loud, my body is not up for discussion, conversation or comment. In this case, I chose to not even waste my breath. I validated myself I advocated for my self. I told myself how fabulous I am. I told myself how much work I have done over the last few years to regain my strength and my health. I reminded myself that I have done the research and worked with specialists, I reminded myself that I give myself sleep, and I work on my stress level. I work on loving who I am while I'm on my journey to where I'm going. I advocated for myself. That gave me the energy to sit back. Take a deep breath and say, wasting my breath on this one. I'm not wasting my breath on this one. The nonverbal cue I gave him as I looked back to my journal and began journaling is your words are not going to hurt me when someone is rude to you, pause to regroup, think it through, detach from the comment, advocate for yourself and validate yourself. Set a boundary and maybe choose to not waste your breath on it.

It was a very strong learning experience for me when he made that comment. My first response was to grab something and cover up my body I wasn't a one piece bathing suit people. I decided to not do that though. I thought the speech I am entitled to be on this beach. I am entitled to relax and enjoy the sound of the surf and the feel of the sun and the sand in the middle of my toes. That was my right and I advocated for myself. I validated myself. I congratulated myself for taking control of my life and my health and my strength and to love my body through the process. And I encourage you to do the same for you in whatever rude comments are coming your way or will come your way. Think it through. Don't just respond. Detach yourself from the comment advocate for yourself set a boundary and maybe choose to not waste your breath. It is okay to go to someone later and say I would like to talk about this. I'd like to understand why you said what you said why you did what you did help me understand.

Take the high road. It's not easy. But it is empowering. And it will make you a better you. Take the high road.

Your journal prompt today:

When have you been in a situation where you need to choose the high road and how did you handle that? How could you handle it better?